Momentum is a powerful force. One of the most powerful, at least when it comes to behavior. The saying goes that one good decision leads to another. Unfortunately, the same holds true for bad decisions. And what’s more, I’d argue that bad momentum is a hell of a lot stronger than good momentum. It’s why one erstwhile click when you’re trying to get work done leads to one thousand. Somehow, putting one sentence down on the page doesn’t have the same bountiful effect.
Here, in the very beginnings of what will hopefully be a lifelong writing practice, I’m not focused on developing good habits so much as I’m preoccupied with avoiding the pull of bad ones. And that’s what it is, a pull. Have you ever been in a bad mood, but you have no idea why? No inciting incident to blame? I often feel something similar when I sit down to write. I have the urge to not write. It’s the pull of a distraction, without the actual distraction.
It feels like for every time I’ve sat and tried to come up with a good sentence or idea, I’ve sat an equal number of times trying to figure out the best way to waste my time. Check email? Check Facebook? Check twitter? Cook? Clean? Read a web comic or a news article? I’ve typed in “gmail” in my browser and clicked “Enter” to load the page, only to realize I’m already on Gmail.
And with each click, or each reload of Gmail, it becomes harder to stop. Giving in to a bad habit feels like pushing a boulder balanced perfectly at the top of a mountain: it begins to roll and pick up speed, and stopping it becomes impossible.
I often fall into an all-or-nothing mindset: if I give in to my bad habits at any point throughout the day, I’ve failed. But I don’t have what it takes to conquer my bad habits completely, not right now. I don’t have the work ethic I want, and it’s going to take time to build it. So I’ve started to appreciate the steps along the way. Right now, it’s not about avoiding bad habits, it’s about escaping their pull and getting back on track.
I knew a fitness trainer once who set me up with a running plan. I was instructed to wear a heart rate monitor, and spend a certain amount of time in each heart rate “zone.” Run for 5 minutes in Zone 1, then increase my heart rate to Zone 2 for 4 minutes, then up to Zone 3 for 3 minutes, then drop back down to Zone 1 and repeat. When I reported back to him on my progress, one of the things he was most interested in was how long it took me to drop back down from Zone 3 to Zone 1. The healthier I became, the less time that recovery took.
In the past, getting lost in the wilds of internet procrastination meant losing focus for the entire day. But lately, it’s taking me less and less time to recover. Today, I had a lot of trouble holding my focus, and spent more time than I would’ve liked succumbing to bad habits. Not too long ago, that would’ve meant that no blog was posted tonight. Heck, it might’ve sent me into such a tailspin that the blog wouldn’t have gone up next week either. More than likely, the whole effort would’ve crashed and burned, all because I couldn’t hold my focus today.
An hour ago, I was anxious, I had no blog topic, and I was picking at myself compulsively (bad habits aren’t always—or often—relegated solely to the digital world). Now, I have a finished blog post. That’s something I’m extremely proud of.
My bad habits have years on my good ones, and often snuff those good ones out soon after they’ve sparked. But now, my good habits are starting to gain some momentum of their own. Fourteen finished blog posts makes it easier to finish number 15. And little by little, that good momentum is bringing back my confidence.
Righting the plane certainly doesn’t feel inevitable yet, but for the first time, neither does crashing and burning.